Thursday, June 13, 2013

Oh, 21...

Hi Ya'll!  Long time, no blog.  I know...bad blogger, yada, yada, yada....

I'm blogging today because I was reading Holly's blog and she's doing a fun link up...it's a letter to your 21 year old self.  I'm going to make this more a letter to my early 20's self...because, to be honest, I can't remember much of ANYTHING from my 21st year of life and also because I acted like I was still 21 for a good...6 or more years after...actually, I still do from time to time...until my body sweetly reminds me that I'm 31.

Hey girl,

I know we don't really like to take advice from anyone but hear me out because I kind of KNOW what I'm talking about here....you're about to make some really great mistakes and some you wish you could wash away...I'm trying to help...

Don't go to $Dollar$ beer night at Bennigan's every. single. night.  Trust me, it will be around for awhile and you'll just make out more mistakes than you care to remember.  Really, Bennigan's doesn't go bankrupt for another few years, you have time.  But you will miss those $ beers later on in life when you don't have a credit card.
"Look at me, I'm so cool, I'm holding a whole pitcher of beer"

Speaking of credit cards...don't let the bank increase your credit limit to more than 75% of  your salary.  Shopping at Neiman's on credit doesn't do anything but make you less rich.  You don't need that Fendi, Louis Vuitton or Burberry purse...ok, maybe the Louis but that's all. 
DO use your credit card to book a trip to L.A. with two of your best girlfriends!  It will be a trip you never forget even though you will be paying for it for the next 10 years.
While you're in California....
Don't buy those Gucci sunglasses that are extremely too big...trust me, you'll be on the phone in a few hours begging Bank of America to increase your credit limit so you can continue to eat.  Plus, you will end up giving them to your mom and then trying desperately to sell them on eBay.  They won't sell. 
Don't eat at the Ivy because that's where the "celebrities" eat.  The only celebs that eat there are the one's trying to get publicity and you won't see a one while there...and the food sucks! 
Go ahead and pass on getting that tattoo on your ass and if you must, maybe don't get a flower.
You could also forget this skirt because it's awful and looks like
 something Paris Hilton would wear,
who you will soon learn is a huge slut bag.
I'm pretty sure that Lauren's face pretty much sums up how much the Ivy sucked.
But hey, at least Casey and I look cute in our $400 Gucci sunglasses...

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go out for your birthday the day after getting dumped...the guy was a major LOOOSER but you're still going to be sad.  You will end up trying to make out with your best friend since 4th grade.  You will feel extremely awkward the next day and when you're 31 writing a letter to yourself.  You'll also knock over several tables and get your entire group kicked out of the bar.  Just don't go.  Stay at the house party where you have no access to Rumple shots.
Seriously, you're not a lesbian.

Don't try to be a band groupie.  You won't even know that guys name in a few years.
He's not even cute...and you're also wearing a plaid romper...
Yeah, you're SO rock-n-roll, Heather, with your french manicure and preppy hat. 
This isn't you, be yourself.


Go ahead and throw that awesome Halloween party at your house.  Just don't make trash can punch and don't let younger kids come that will then invite even younger, underage kids because you will then be forced to throw them out because your roommate is dating #1 doucher and is scared his reputation is going to get hurt...while kicking them out...don't get in some girls face because you think she is talking crap about your other roommates boyfriend...she will punch you and break your nose.  It hurts.  You'll have to have surgery.  You're 5"1" and weigh about 120...never talk shit.  Never.  You can't fight.  Also, it will ruin your cute flapper costume.

A trend will come along where girls make "sexy" faces in pictures.  Don't try it because you can't do it. 
Apparently Jen can't either...

Don't cry on your 25th birthday because you're "not where you want to be in life"...what you don't know is that when you're 28 you will reconnect with your high school boyfriend and it will finally be the right time for ya'll!  If ya'll had tried to date again at 25 it would have been disastrous because you're still growing and so is he.

 A 2 day trip to Austin for your birthday is probably a bad idea
 Things look ok here...but you will soon black out and need an ambulance. 
You're not responsible enough for Austin yet.


 Just don't.

Honorable mentions with no fun pictures:
· Forget about going out to "uptown" in Dallas.  You will soon learn it's full of $30,000 a year millionaires and even though the guys don't see it, you're way too pretty for their douchiness.
· Go to school, dammit.  Don't let your bosses at BOA tell you that you can "go far" with a banking career.  You will do really well in banking but every. single. summer when all of your teacher friends (and you'll have a lot of them) get out for summer break you will kick yourself for not finishing school and becoming a teacher, like you always wanted.
· Don't drive by ex boyfriends houses that live 20 miles away, you'll get caught and then they really will never want you back.
· Stay in your apartment that you pay $475 a month for awhile longer.  That will never come along again.
· Refrain from dancing on table tops every time the DJ plays Britney Spears.  You'll blush about it in your 30's.
· When you get offered free NASCAR tickets just to kiss a guy, do it...you and your best friend will have the best time...but you will still be drunk from the night before...do a better job of remembering where ya'll parked so that you're not wondering around Texas Motor Speedway for 4 hours, drunk and extremely sunburned looking for Casey's car.
DO cherish the dorky, true moments with your girlfriends.  Like the Harry Potter nights.  Before you know it, you'll all be grown ups and getting married and having babies...it gets weird for awhile but you will soon realize that the best is yet to come!

Enjoy...The Curvy Life!

4 comments:

Trina Fite said...

GREATNESS!

Holly said...

I always say it, but you have THE prettiest eyes, ever!!

Heather said...

Those credit card companies...they know exactly what age to get ya.

Sarah at Midwest Pillowtalk said...

HAAHAHAHA i am so glad we found each other! and man. we threw a halloween party at our house too... 300 people in one kitchen was NOT a smart idea. and im pretty sure i was 23 then. i guess 21 wasnt the only shit show year ;)